It's 20 F*#@*ing Items or LESS People

I absolutely can not stand rude people. So here's how extremely annoying people somehow managed to make it into my day and piss me off. After enjoying my much needed Vegas vacation I came home to my restaurant changing the menu. In layman's terms that means "making-my-job-effing-harder-for-about-a-month - and then starting all over a few months later." Unless you have managed a restaurant that constantly changes the menu you can not understand how troubling these times can be. Somebody is going to yell at me next week because we just took off their favorite food in the whole wide world so that we could add something that might or might now still be around in a few months when the chefs in Neverland, who no one ever sees or hears from, decide to rip it off the menu, but someone else has decided that it was THEIR favorite, AND the cycle continues forever. Where was I? Oh yea, sorry got lost in the rant on my way to rant about something else. I've been working my ass off basically. Going into work early every day and staying late. Tonight around six o'clock I had been there about 11 hours when a co-worker needed me to run to Wal-Mart to grab something he needed to run his shift. He can't go because he can't leave, so really I'm the only option. What I haven't got to tell you yet is that yesterday my power steering decided it didn't want to work anymore. To turn my car I have to first grab the steering wheel with both hands and squeeze until my hands turn white and then pull as hard as I can (and grunt excessively) while punching the gas to get the BEAST (it's a beast now that it doesn't have power steering) to slightly turn in one direction, then I repeat the cycle several times until I finally am able to clear the parking lot without hitting another car. Seriously, I look like one of those 90 year old ladies who refuse to give up their right to drive even though they can't see a damn thing and think that their 1970's boat is still a perfectly good car.

I grumble as I hop in the beast on this cold, wet, rainy-about-to-turn-into-snow Oklahoma day and head over to any one's favorite spot on a Friday evening during peak time - Wal-Mart. In, out, in, out, grunt, pull harder, gun it, sigh, in, out, in, out, wait I almost got it, in, out. The beast is parked. I'm annoyed. I'm tired and hungry and I just want to get in and get out so that I can finish up what I need to finish up at work and go home. I grab what I needed, which was a Scrabble game. Yes, my restaurant could not function without a game of Scrabble on this Friday evening (long story). I'm thinking at least I can go through the 20 items or less lane and get out of this place. But, OH NO there they were fatsy mcbutter butt and mcfrizzy puff hogging the only two 20 items or less lanes on this entire side of the store. I'm looking at the signs making sure I'm in the right place, I'm looking at them, actually I'm staring the bitches down, but they refuse to make eye contact with me. I'm looking down the endless rows of cash registers. WTH? Only about 6 of them I think were open in the whole store. I can't even read the writing on the lanes on the other side because they are so far away. Maybe I should just go down to one of those. No, if I do that someone else will be there doing the same thing and I am parked on this side. I had better stay here. Ugh! I'm tired and I just want to go home!

I sigh and tap my foot trying to get the attention of the lady in front of me, but she is too busy keeping track of her four children and peeling their dirty, little, whiny fingers off all the candy in the aisle. You know, I understand that sometimes you just gotta do something shitty, but it would have been nice if she would have just looked up from her 120 items and said, "I'm sorry," but instead she refused to make eye contact with me. You know what her total was? $189.00! Does that sound like an efffing 20 Items or Less purchase to you?! It's not enough to these people that we've upped the express aisle from 10 items to 20 items. It's not enough that we look the other way when they have 23 or 24, but come on $189.00!!!

In closing, if you are one of these people who decides to torture those of us who obey the rules out of kindness for humanity, then screw you. That is 10 minutes longer I could have been cuddled up on my couch with my soft blanket bitching about you on this blog.

Was That You?

About 5 o'clock this morning I woke up to the loudest, most obnoxious snoring you can imagine. Imagine somebody clearing their sinuses and hacking a loogie all at the same time. I have no idea how to spell loogie. In fact, I just realized that is the first time I've ever written that word. Anyway, back to my story. I let out a big sigh. Then, I proceeded to roll over pretending my body was square in shape and top it off with a swift bed kick at the end just in case I hadn't already wiggled the bed enough. The snoring continues. I sigh again. GNGNNAHAHAHAHAAshshsshshsnghghghghshhh!! I'm starting to get pretty annoyed by this point. Still not working. I sit up chug some water letting the glass slam down on the coaster on the nightstand and still I hear GNGNGNGHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Finally I had had enough! I reach over and calmly place my hand on my boyfriend's chest and wiggle it side to side to jolt him awake. To my surprise he began laughing.

"Sweetheart, that's not me! That's Miha (our Boston Terrier sleeping in between us), but thanks for the love pat!"

I'll Take That One Please

The other day the boyfriend and I got to do something every girl loves - ring shopping. Oh the joy of walking into a jewelry store and answering to the snooty sales ladies that we are looking for "an engagement ring." The phrase is magical. It transforms the snooty ladies from looking down their nose at you to offering you a glass of champagne and listening intently to every word that you say. It's a beautiful scene. Straight out of Pretty Woman. Oh the magical feeling a girl gets when she's trying on ring after ring with beautiful sparkling, shining diamonds. I'm pretty sure I got high after about the 3rd store. I couldn't even feel my legs anymore. It was glorious!

One of my favorite things to do to people is to say something totally bizarre to get reactions out of people. It's quite amusing. Here are a few examples.

Salesperson: When is your special day?
Me: Very soon. We are having a shotgun wedding. I gotta get him hitched before he backs out on me.

Salesperson: We have this on in two sizes. Which one do you like better?
Me: Well, this one says, "He loves me" and this one says, "I'm spoiled rotten." I'll take the bigger one.

Me (after browsing for a few): These all look so tiny, do you have anything bigger?

Me: He's only got a dollar, do you offer 100% financing? Can he make his first payment in 6 months?


Salesperson: How long have you two been seeing each other?
Me: We just met downstairs. I just know he's the one.

My Unsurprise Surprise Party

Oh my God! I am totally thirty. I can't believe that the day I've been dreading has finally come and gone. I am happy to report that it was the most fabulous birthday I have had in a very long time. My favoritist friends got together and planned a surprise party for me. I got to pick the day, but they did everything else. I was not allowed to know where or what we were doing. It was so nice not having to plan a thing! It's pretty funny. Kevin told me the day of to pack an overnight bag because we "might" have to stay the night. On the way there I was trying to guess where we were headed. After a while I knew that the only thing left on Hwy 44 was the Cherokee Casino and Resort, so I am picturing this fabulous room in the casino. To my surprise we pulled into a much smaller not-so-fabulous Cherokee Inn next to the Waffle House. LOL. I was laughing hysterically (they told me later they had tried to book a fabulous room, but they were all booked up). Let me tell you though, they had decked out the room in pink roses, rose petals, pink candles and balloons. My favorite was my cake. Now that is a Diva cake if I've ever seen one. They filled the bathtub with ice, soda and champagne. LOL. They all hid behind the bed and jumped out and yelled, "Surprise!" and everything. After we "mingled" and sipped, or chugged (hee hee) champagne we headed over to the casino to check out in Tulsa's very own Ice Bar and try out my birthday luck on the Blackjack tables. It was lots of fun. I am so very grateful I have some of the sweetest friends ever. They really did make turning thirty a little bit easier. At least I had a good time getting old!

Diva Dog Gone Wild!!!

Kevin and I were bored and decided to video tape ourselves playing with my crazy little Boston Terrier. She gets so wound up it's hysterical. The first video I'm posting because of Kevin's voice, LOL. He gets really high pitched when he's playing with Miha because she cowers down if his voice is too deep. She's a rescue dog, so I think she may have been abused by a male when she was in the puppy mill. Poor thing! The second one is just funny. For a tiny dog she has the jaws of a pitbull. Enjoy!

Pittser Reunion!

So, check it out (I've been watching too much American Idol I'm starting to sound like Randy). I'm packing up my cutest, sexiest outfits and heading to Las Vegas on Friday the 13th of March to begin the week and a half long celebration of my 30th birthday. It's a big deal ya'll. You only turn thirty once. My 20th birthday blew because my family showed up the night before (when you go out at midnight) to tell me that my father had passed away. Thank God I was of legal drinking age, but let's face it. That 's enough bad news to ruin a whole decade of birthdays. So, this year, for my 30th I'm heading to Vegas to see the Vegas Pittsers. My sister, Tiffany, is taking me and my brother, Aaron, who I haven't seen in 6? years is meeting us there. I am soooo excited. I can not tell you how much fun we always have when we are together. Growing up with two brothers and two sisters all under one roof, you can imagine the kind of trouble that we got into. My favorite story is the time my mom and dad got us an RV and decided to travel the US in style. They took us on a leisurely drive through the mountains of Colorado to enjoy the fresh smell of Pine trees and enjoy the rushing waters of the Colorado river. All was well until my pet turtle died on the way. Trying to get me to stop crying (and maybe to prevent the smell of dead turtle from permeating the RV) my parents decide to pull over and let me choose the proper bury spot to lay my little friend to rest. I remember choosing a beautiful little nook next to the beautiful running water looking up over the most beautiful mountain peak tops. As I was finishing the burial, I hear loud cursing and smell something burning from a short distance. As I climb back on the road I notice my brother(s?) have caught the mountain on fire during my burial....we piled in and drove on.
These are the moments I look back on and can't wait to start my own family. Sure we might catch a few mountains on fire along the way, but someday we will look back and wish we were there again.
More to come on the Pittser Reunion! Hide your lighters and matches Tasha!