Ladies Weekend

So, I've had a rough week. I battled the flu. I've worked my ass off (even went to work WITH the FLU). To top it all off I got in a horrible fight with my boyfriend yesterday. Now he's out of town and I've been feeling down. So here's my plan for tonight. I bought myself a gorgeous pair of high heels, and after spending the evening giving myself a facial and spraying on the glitter and fake tan, I am heading out with the girls for a night of fun. I'm going to forget about my troubles and do some dancing and drinking with the girls who make me laugh until my cheeks and belly ache. Wish me luck!

An Alien Has Taken Over My Body

OK. Don't read this if you are weak stomached, but I was changing my shirt today and looked down. I don't know if the light had hit them just right or if I had just not bothered to look down in a very long time, but my nipples have grown freakishly long hairs on them. Now I've always heard that this is something that is caused by pregnancy. So, since I am not pregnant, nor have I ever been, I thought my nipples were safe. Here's the deal. I quit smoking years ago. I eat healthy. I take vitamins. WTH else do I need to do to keep my body from totally taking on a mind of its own and turning into Bigfoot. And yes, my feet have even grown a size in the last few years. I know your hips get a little wider to prepare you for your childbearing years, but mine have moved to opposite sides of the country. Their going to have to squeeze them together so my children don't get lost on their way down, or slide out so fast they land on the ground. I hear your ears and your nose get bigger too. I already can't pin my hair back because my Kate Hudson ears stick too far out, and I'm already saving for my nose job and now you're telling me that they're going to get even bigger? I just had to share. I hate getting older sometimes. I was talking to a friend of mine today and he was telling me how his ex girlfriend (20) dated a 31 year old and it grossed him out. I was like, "Hello, I'm almost his age! Do you think I'm gross too?"
I just had to get that off my chest, no pun intended. Actually, it kinda was.

Day One

Okay so I've now made it through half of a day with my nephew and so far we've only had a few casualties. I woke this morning to hearing my China break and James saying, "Uh oh Kevo I broke it." Still not sure what the boyfriend was thinking feeding a two year old cheerios out of my late Great Grandmother's China, but at least no one got hurt. That is my main concern. Keep the kid in one piece til his parents get home.
Lessons I've learned today, if you step one Play-Doh it's harder to pick it out of the carpet.
Black men with lisps can still have a rap career, thank you Yo Gabba Gabba for that. "K Kithdz lethz beat bokth together!"
Some Gabba Gabba Fun:

I'm doing WHAT? for how long?

So my sister is leaving for Jamaica tomorrow, or for the purpose of not causing my little nephew great pain, we are going to call it "work". Starting tomorrow I will have a two year old running around my tiny lil apartment with my cat who runs and hides and won't come out until he's gone, and my dog who shakes but loves him anyways, and my boyfriend who forgets all about how old he is when it comes to playing with James. I have to warn you this kid has me so wrapped around his tiny little pinky this ought to be pretty fun, and fun to watch I'm sure. So stay tuned there is more to come, and most importantly wish me luck, pray for me!

30 Questions

1. Favorite Person - Anyone who makes me laugh
2. Favorite Food - Anything pasta and cheesy
3. Quirks about you - I'm very weird about noises. I hate hearing people eat, clipping their toenails, scraping their teeth on their forks. I get goose bumps and I go crazy. No you don't understand. I go CRAZY.
4. How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less? - Strong willed, kind, hard-worker, neat freak, nutty, sarcastic and maybe even funny.
5. Any regrets in life? - Marrying the wrong person :,(
6. Favorite charity/cause - I raise money for St. Judes every year. I'm also interested in helping abused women, children who can't read and MS (my dad died from MS).
7. Favorite Blog - My Sister-in-law Tasha's Housewife Diaries. It makes me feel closer to my family when they are so far away.
8. Something you can't get enough of - Sleep.
9. Worst job you ever had - I worked at a Vet Clinic, and yes Becky we expressed anal glands there. LOL.
10. What job would you pay NOT to have - trash collection. EEEW.
11. If you could be a fly on the wall anywhere, where would it be - in a greenhouse, because I think if I was a fly I would like flowers, wait that's bees. Flies like shit, so maybe a barn somewhere with lots of poo.
12. ***Breaking News: My boss, who I think is awesome, just put in his notice. Sniff sniff.
13. Guilty pleasure - Dessert. I have to have a dessert every night about 9:30. I try to keep low calorie desserts on hand because I know the craving will come.
14. Got any confessions? - Not that I care to confess. I've only voted once. I know. It's awful and I'm ashamed.
15. If you had $1000 to spend on YOURSELF, what would you spend it on - Down payment on my nose job.
16. Favorite thing about your house - I don't have to mow the lawn and it is in the center of everything.
17. Least favorite thing - It floods and I don't own it.
18. One thing you are bad at - apologizing and pda.
19. If you could change one thing about your current circumstances what would it be - I want to own my own house.
20. Who would you like to meet someday - Ellen Degeneres. She makes me laugh everyday and I love her for that.
21. What makes you feel sexy - high heels!
22. Who is your real life hero - my sister.
23. What is the hardest part of your job - not being able to be friends with anybody there and not getting too stressed out when I'm having a rough shift.
24. When are you most relaxed - when I'm laying out by the pool.
25. What stresses you out - money. It's always money.
26. What can you NOT live without - lipgloss. I'm addicted.
27. Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists - disagree, but I do also post a lot of pictures on my Myspace.
28. Why do you blog - for fun. As an escape where I can get my feelings out.
29. Who are you tagging - http://floridammama.blogspot.com/
30. What were you doing 10 years ago - Going to college, working 3 jobs to support myself and dating my future ex-husband and some other things I'm not so proud of.

Poolside Encounters with a Four Year Old

(if you see this kid to the left-Mommies hide your snack bags!)

My sister and I decide to have some summer fun and head out to the pool with my nephew to enjoy the beautiful, but windy weather we are having. Being the wonderful mother that she is my sister is armed with ziplock baggies full of snacks, juice boxes, etc to tend to every need that James may have while we are at the pool.

Enter Eli. A four year old who is at the pool with his step-dad and step-dad's friend while they are "sneaking" beer in their Whataburger cups. Eli

has this amazing talent of fitting three questions in just one breath. "What's your name? My name is Eli. What's his name? How old is he?" (finally a breath). Continued by, "Is that what you're going to wear? Where did you get it? Is that your thingy, what is it called? Can I use it? (another breath). I feel awkward telling a four year old I got my swimsuit at Victoria Secret. I laugh when I tell him I got my "floaty" at Target and he asks, "Which Target?"

Anyways, so we are enjoying our snacks after swimming for a while and over walks Eli.

"Oooh grapes!! Can I have some? Can I have some Goldfish? Can I have some Apple juice?"

We let him have some, but to our surprise this isn't just any four year old. This is a STARVING four year old. He is stuffing grapes into his mouth four at a time. He knows how to take them off the vine two at a time! We laughed, but when another parent doesn't step in and take control of their kids, how do you politely tell someone else's kid, "No," without being too offensive. BTW we did try, "No, no honey. These are for James."

ServSafe Nightmares

So part of the requirements for becoming a restaurant manager in my company is taking a course on food safety. The book is 12 chapters long and full of interesting and disgusting facts from what cockroach poop looks like (grains of black pepper) to bacteria that lives in human feces. Gross huh~
I was so disgusted. I learned something interesting about hot dogs. As most women who have already had children know if you get a bacteria from hot dogs it can abort your fetus??? Are you kidding me? This same bacteria can also be found in deli meats. It also can lead to Meningitis in children. So thank you ServSafe. I will never be able to sit down and enjoy a hot dog or sandwich again. Gross. And heaven forbid what I will do if someone spills black pepper on my floor! Another interesting fact is that if your house has an oily smell then cockroaches are present, and if you see one in the daytime that is a true sign that your house is INFESTED!
Good news is I made a 92 on my test!!